Time Warp

I took a little trip to Puerto Vallarta in order to meet up with a group from my University crowd celebrating 40 years. There were eight of them on a Princess cruise-ship visiting the Mexican Riviera. We had lunch as planned during their one-day stop in PV. It was fun to see them and we shared a number of giggles over a long lunch on the beach in the oldest part of town.

Getting to PV from San Miguel is a full day’s drive – 750km over mostly divided toll highway (have about $60 handy) except for the first 60km and the last 165km. Also one has to navigate through the large cities of Leon and Guadalajara – something I didn’t get right on the first try – so add another hour or so to the drive depending on how lost you get. I left at 5:30 a.m. and was comfortably in PV at 2:30 p.m. but I only stopped for gas and comfort as I had a lunch with me.

The drive is through some serious high-plain agriculture (beef, chicken, and pig feedlots and a lot of irrigated crops) as the mountains of San Miguel are left behind and the route angles west towards the Sierra Madre. We enter the state of Jalisco the home of Tequila just beyond Leon. A lot of blue agave plantations are in evidence all along the way right to the coast so it is a good bet there will be no long-term shortage of the ingredients for that wonderful “frozen concoction”. The drive through the Sierra Madre is quite spectacular including a number of old volcanoes. Since the mountains drop so suddenly to the sea the last 165km along the coast from Tepic to PV are very hilly and windy for the entire distance, which makes for slower going. Also, since it is in jungle there is not much opportunity to see anything other than trees and rocks. The ocean is not visible until the road suddenly drops down to enormous Banderas Bay on which PV is situated.

PV for me was like entering a time warp. Admittedly I was a bit ahead of the prime tourist season, which starts just before Christmas. The beach set up is much like well developed beaches anywhere in the world with the ocean-front walk-way (Malecon in this case), enormous hotels, tons of tourist shops and restaurants, real estate offices and tour guides. Even the hawkers on the beach seemed to be selling the same stuff. The music in the clubs was definitely 60’s and 70’s. The difference was only the people, who had all mysteriously aged 40 years or so, including of course the 40 extra pounds. These folks outnumbered young people by at least ten to one and there appeared not to be a self-conscious one among them! So much for the notion of a few leisurely days ogling beach beauties.

PV has a vibrant gay community it would appear although the tourists appeared to be mostly straight. The introduction of a couple of cruise lines a day during the high season undoubtedly helps as each is carrying about 2,800 people. It boasts some fancy restaurants (including the famous Café des Artistes) and some vibrant nightlife.

One club (Andale) I went back to a couple of times because it was successfully getting the old folks going. I talked to a Dutch bartender there who said it was packed, often even tighter, every night all year round. In addition to the carefully DJ orchestrated 70s dance tunes it featured two huge bars and floor waitresses with two-gun holsters that sported different varieties of tequila. The shot glasses were where the bullets would normally go. A couple of “security” fellows blew ear-piercing police whistles infrequently just to emphasize the loud music. Every 15 minutes or so a very stoic Mexican cowboy (about the same age as the patrons but in better shape) would lead his donkey into the melee where one of the “security” guys would pick a patron (usually a female) to ride the poor animal across the dance floor, around the club and eventually back out on the street where he would wait with his donkey until he got the signal to repeat the exercise. Good clean American fun Mexico style!

The weather turned cloudy and there was even a bit of rain and I have to say I was bored with it all. I had a look at a couple of places for sale. There is actually stuff available quite a bit cheaper than San Miguel. I can’t take the heat any more however, and if all the beach bunnies are over forty and fat it quickly loses its attraction. So I called my dog/cat/fish sitter and said I would be home a couple of days early, and I was.